When there is sleep, the world spins just a little bit better.

We had sleep last night. Not because of any miraculous sleep cure, but because I decided that I had had enough of the massive night time screaming and was going to do what it took to have a peaceful night. The inside of my head was reverberating with night time tantrums.

I know, I know....I need to not cave. But if you lived with months of this, I guarantee you would find your line too. Mine was last night.

Yes, Liam slept most of the night with us. Yes, my neck and back are not thrilled. Yes, I would prefer it the other way. But....we ALL slept last night. And my eyes don't burn. I feel ready to tackle the world today.

And it is a good thing. We have a tapping this morning at speech therapy. I wonder if Liam will let us tape him? He was not thrilled at all the last time. In fact, he would not take off his coat. Ha!

This afternoon, Ray and I have a telephone conference with The Sleep Doula. We are there. It is just no longer possible to slog through this alone. Books and well-meaning advice have gotten us nowhere. (Plus, we are down to people who say, "just let him cry it out" -- uh, yeah, we have and he can go over 4 hours! Which is just ridiculous! --- and those who say "give him a spanking" -- yeah, because THAT has been shown to promote sleep, moron -- and my all time favourite, "just give him a shot of whiskey" -- I have no words for this one.) I am tired of being tired. I am tired of people thinking that they know what it is like to be sleep deprived with a child who is 2 weeks old or 3 months or 6 months.... I am talking about 22 long, long months here people. And he doesn't just wake up, want a little comfort, and roll over and go back to sleep. Nu uh...he's up for 2+ hours (our top is 4 hours) in the night. Several times a night. I could cry thinking about it. And last, but not least, I am tired of people looking at me with something that mixes pity with astonishment with judgment over my ability to parent when I admit that my child does not sleep. I have another child. He was not easy, but he slept 7 to 7 for ages and ages. I'm thinking that the problem is not so much ME.

Okay, okay...some of it is me, of course, but some of it is just the combination.

And to all of you out there who are judging: I hope you get a Liam baby in your future. Just so you GET IT. (Yeah, I know. I need to be a bigger person. But after all of this, on this one issue: I am not. And I can live with it.)

So we are consulting The Sleep Doula. I will let you know how it goes. I've got to admit that I have a huge fear that this is not going to work. Then where will I be? Urghh. I can't think like that.

I was mighty impressed though, when I stumbled upon a blogger who has used this service. And it seems to be working. Cross your fingers. This kid was dancing it up all night long, so many Liam has hope yet.

Well, wish us luck on our day. We're chatting it up and solving some problems here at the ranch.