I was THAT Mom at the store today.

I know, I know...two posts in one day. I am feeding the blogging beast, making it fat and happy.

I really was that Mom in the store today. We all know the one. She's hassled and looking frantic. Like if you spoke to her in the wrong tone, she might snap. But if you offered her a glass of wine from one hand, while still holding the bottle in the other, she'd snap the bottle up.

Truly, today I wonder why more parents of young kids do not drink heavily. Maybe they do and I missed that memo.

Xander was a horror. The only thing I can think of to explain it is that the child somehow lost his ears at about 10:30 this morning. It was pretty bad in Ikea, though manageable. But tonight, while Ray and my Dad were supposed to be putting together his brand new Ikea bed (which had a couple problems, so Ray had to run back when we got home to get a few pieces exchanged), Mom and I took the kids shopping. I had to get Xander sheets for his bed. We browsed a few things along the way too. Finally, we picked out two sets of sheets -- spiderman and plain blue -- and headed to the check out.

And that is when all hell broke loose.

Who is this child? I ask you? I know that I did not raise THIS kid, because THIS kid was raised by wolves. I am certain of it.

So, my Mom was making her couple of purchases and doesn't Xander spy the little display with the suckers. It's a tree shape and the suckers are all stuck in by their stems. I see him, seeing them and tell him, "No Xander. Don't touch those suckers." Nicely, but firm. Nothing. Then I say, "Alexander FRANK, do NOT touch those suckers." He stops. Brings his hands down. So now I know he heard me and knows what to do.

I have a split second where I think he is going to behave. But not so fast Mom...now we go in for the kill. And he reaches up again and gets one this time.

Quick as lightening (and pissed off too), I am over there. I reach out, grab the offending sucker, stick it back in the stand and tell him, "Since you cannot listen, now you get to come over here and hold on to the cart."

A shame worse than death in the eyes of my 4 year old. Normally met with tears and begging and promises of "being good" if only I will let him not hold the cart.

Not this time. I am sure that the word "sucker" (as in the fool variety, not the lollipop variety) came into his head as I said those words, because the next thing I knew he was having a full out tantrum. Seriously. My 4 year old had a tantrum! He said "NO!" and screamed and yelled and pulled out the tears. He even screamed to "stop pinching me". Where the heck he ever got that idea, I will never know. I have NEVER pinched anyone, much less my kids. And I was holding him up (he'd gone limp and was trying to throw himself on the floor) by his jacket. No pinch possible there. He also screamed at the cashier across the aisle to "Stop looking at me!" (I give her credit for not laughing, because there was a thread of hillarity in it all.)

I promptly told him there was no pinching happening.

And at that moment it became my turn at the cash. Talk about timing.

So I put the two sets of sheets on the counter and my socks too. The nice lady rang it all in and just as I was going to pay, Xander started spouting forth more tantrum. So I turned to her and said, "Please take the Spiderman sheets out of the bag and return them to the shelf for me."

There was a moment where she didn't believe me (I wonder how many parents have threatened and not followed through at the cash), so I had to ask twice. She removed them, there was a second where you could have heard a pin drop, and Xander said in a small voice, "No Spiderman sheets?"

"No. Not with behaviour like this," I said, without even blinking.

I am almost certain that they heard the screams of protest at the other end of the mall.

Spiderman sheets will come to our house eventually, but not without a whole other level of listening happening in our house.

For the record, he stopped screaming and crying abruptly about 2 minutes after we got to the car. When something else caught his attention. He's now soundly asleep and we will try again for a "listening kind of day" tomorrow.

Now I am going in search of that bottle of wine.