Perfection

I grew up knowing that I was smart. I was told that I was smart in every way from the time I could walk and all the way through my school days. I was an adult and living on my own before I didn't have at least a weekly conversation that included one of my parents or relatives or friends telling me how smart I was.

Sounds like a great thing, doesn't it.

Except that in my world "smart" came with expectations. I was supposed to behave better than the average 7 year old (mostly, I understand that I did). I was only supposed to take academic courses...all of the academic courses in high school. My father still occasionally mentions how I did not take chemistry in high school! And did so on my graduation day from university. (Insert a deep sigh and an eye roll here.)

I was supposed to be perfect.

How does a person live with the expectation of perfection? Especially when the other message that you get is that you are failing all the time.

My father, though blessed with many wonderful traits, is not a man of patience for himself or others. And he always feels as though he is failing, thus projecting that onto his kids. If I wasn't getting marks over 80%, then I was failing. I didn't take the courses he wanted me to take, so I failed. These days, it is that I don't have a child who is female...my beautiful, smart, healthy kids are boys! (Now, if anyone were to take issue with his grandsons, there would be hell to pay! He adores them. He just wants a granddaughter too.)

It's not that these are smacks of failure. Billboards advertising it. Or out and out telling me that I have failed. More like whisperings and suggestions of other things I should have done or ought to be doing. Subtle undercurrents. You could miss them. I did for a long, long time.

What does a person do with an expectation of perfection and a whispering voice that says you are failing? How does a person dig out from under all of that to just be?

A Seminar for Writers

Last week I went to a seminar by the PWAC on pitching articles to magazines. The editors were fantastic and gave some really informative tips on how do do a pitch properly. I've taken a couple of courses on writing for magazines and certainly done a fair amount of reading about, but nothing was as detailed as this hour and a half.

And then came question time.

Do you ever have the feeling you may be the smartest person in the room? Many of the people in my circles are very smart. We have surrounded ourselves with friends who are incredibly smart; some of them know it and others are oblivious to it, but they are smart. So I was singularly unprepared to sit in a room of people who identify themselves as writers and hear the questions that they asked. It felt a bit like a showing of the worst of these people.

Can I fax you a copy of my previous work, because the one I have scanned is a bad scan. (Umm, either scan it again yourself or get someone to scan it.)

I've written a load of books and wondered if I can make a relationship with an editor without sending in pitches. (Hey guy, do you know that this makes you sound lazy? And yeah, the answer is not unless you already know an editor. Do the work!)

What if I have another idea when I am researching and writing an article for a magazine. (Getting new ideas is the lifeblood of writing. Be happy. But don't repeat the research and quotes in another article. No one wants repeats. No matter how much you rephrase that question!)

How can I negotiate rates? (Seriously? Most of the people in this audience are here because they want to learn how to pitch effectively, which means that they don't have much experience. Without the experience, you say "Thank you so much for this money for my work. Can I pitch something else and do more work for you." As you get better and known for providing good work, you will get better pay or be able to negotiate better pay. Oh yeah, and knowing your audience is a good start when writing, as well as when speaking.)

I loved the editors and was not a fan of the audience, but boy did I feel like I was one of the smartest people in that room. I did leave full of ideas and potential angles to approach magazines. I do wish I'd had a smart question or two to ask though. However, sometimes it is smart to just sit and listen.

Elevators and Parking Spaces

I've been having a few different dreams lately that involve elevators and parking spaces. I am often riding up and down the elevators, aimlessly searching for someone or something. It's all done calmly, but I never do find the who or what I am looking for. Eventually, I stop riding the elevators and start looking for the parking spaces. And those parking spaces are never in the right order. I am looking for a certain numbered space and it is just not where I thought it would be.

I only realized this morning that I keep having these dreams.

Hmmph. It's not even something that would take a rocket scientist to figure out either. Apparently I am seeking something. And since I am tired of dreaming this, I'll be sure to let you know when I find whatever it is I am looking for.

Rewards

I have to think about ways to reward myself. I'm especially bad at it. Or have become especially bad at it. I was talking to my friend Kristen about them and she says that stickers still work wonderfully for her high school kids.

Hmmm. Stickers. I would love some kind of sticker.

I used to do all of my work for the shiny red A or A+ on my papers. Now...no one does that. And work is a place of monetary reward that goes shimmying off through the ether to debts and food and such things that were inconceivable when you are a child or a teenager. It doesn't feel like a reward.

But I've concentrated on rewarding my children: Xander gets stickers and Bakugan for good behaviour. Liam is enjoying M&Ms for using the toilet. And such looks of glee on their little faces over simple things.

I need to figure out my own simple things. The moments I live for. I need something that is bet-worthy (another story entirely). The idea of these things must make me sigh in longing.

After putting myself aside for so long, I have a discomfort with the idea of rewarding myself. Taking time to do things. Or spending money, however insignificant, on myself. I will do it for my children, my husband, and for my marriage, but somehow I forgot about myself.

Some things have come to mind:
- Time to write properly
- Time to explore the ideas I have been peculating for magazine articles
- Photographing something just for me (thanks Kris, that one is a good one)
- An hour to lounge in the tub (I used to do that all the time. Where did that go?)

I'm thinking about rewarding myself for the big and the small things. Because otherwise, what is the point?

Where oh where did July go?

It seems like school ended yesterday. But in the heat and family vacation and ice cream haze, time really has passed. It's already August.

We've been to New Brunswick and PEI and back. We've had one round of swimming lessons (and Xander passed!) and are doing soccer camp. Ray and I have been busy around the house and outside: the deck is being stripped and fixed, the fireplace has its screen, and we have new shelves and bins for the toys. (I still want to know how we can work that much around here and still have a massive mess, but that's another blog post, I am sure.)

I struggle to work and to balance life with my family. I also wonder if this is the time to go back to a regular job; I suspect this might be a yearly summer time pondering.

And time passes.

We're good. I've not felt like writing a whole lot, so I have been fairly quiet in my online world. But we are motoring along and generally enjoying ourselves.

Look it in the Eye

I've been taking a course in magazine writing. I already write for myself. I also blog professionally for another company and write articles for them. I also do editing work, when it comes around. Magazine writing seemed like a good spin-off to me. I'd like to do articles that are different. I like the variety.

I've thought about longer projects, but with small people underfoot and limited time, it seems pointless. The small people will grow and go to school more. There's time in the future. But for now I need to write more and feed my brain and my soul.

Writing can be a hard endeavour. It means looking yourself in the eye and finding something you are truly invested in to write about. Then knowing people will tear you apart for it or love you for it. Rarely an in between. It also means carving out time and brain space for it.

The other day I had an explosion of thought about carving out brain space (and not a good one). It seems every time I sit to read, think, or write, someone wants to talk to me or needs a drink or is unhappy or joyous about something. All of these things make my world go around. My family is, after all, the center of my being these days...in ways I would never have expected before my kids came along. And yet they sometimes crowd me out.

I am important too. Without the me part, I cannot write and earn a living.

I bemoaned all of this -- letting it go into space and releasing it from being trapped in my head and taking up room -- to Ray yesterday afternoon. I told him it felt like working against the tide of my family and at this point, it seemed, well, pointless. I wondered aloud if I ought to just set all of this aside for 2 or 3 more years. Until the wee people had gone to school and left me with a bit of time to chomp on and mull over thoughts.

It's all just talk though. And letting go. For that moment.

This morning I wrote a query letter. The first of many. And I take steps toward writing in a new way.

I'm excited and my brain is already thinking and plotting. It's what keeps me going through the mountain of things between my fingers and my keyboard.

Motivation

I'm not sure if it is spring, the cold that took over our house the other day, the chaos that has resulted from buying a new television (we're flipping rooms around and doing a bit of painting and a lot of reorganization), or a combination of these things. Maybe it is none of them.

But I am having a hard time getting my thoughts together and organizing them enough to write.

Since I live off my writing, this is not a good thing.

I don't have much to accomplish today: one blog for one of my clients and a resume for a neighbour. And I have been procrastinating on the resume for a while, so it has to be done. I want to do a bit of laundry, work out, do some dinner prep.

And yet, I am just slow and lazy and wandering around with my thoughts. Which may be why I haven't blogged much lately.

This is the part that drives me bonkers

I'm in the middle of a technical writing project and I have reached the part where it drives me crazy. I feel like I am in the bowels of hell right now. In the beginning of a project, you have the early learning about the item/project/company. Later on, you get to write like mad. But this part here is where I pull and tug at different pieces and try to get them to all line up. It's like wrestling a herd of cats, I tell you! And I am just frustrated all the time.

I do know it will fall into place. I know that I can write it. I know that there will come a moment when the pieces will fall into place and I will understand it all. And then it almost writes itself.

But right now I am just tugging at it and trying to fix it all. And it's incredibly frustrating. These are the moments when I think about taking up hair dressing or nails or something else...anything else.

Remind me that the light is coming soon. Please.

What I want to be when I grow up.

So, I am in my mid-30s and still I contemplate this question. Only, sometimes it is more like "what I want to be when my kids are in school". Because there is an assumption that them going to school will bring change to the way I work.

Maybe. Maybe not.

I've been working contracts and piecemeal writing gigs for 2.5 years now. It's given me the opportunity to write and edit a wide variety of material.

Before this, I was a technical writer and a technical editor. I loved technical editing, but was not as fond of the writing. It was good, but it didn't make my heart sing. And it is very, very stylized. Plus, each firm uses slightly different styles. But, technical writing brings in good money.

So, sometimes I take the jobs that are incredibly interesting and sometimes I take the ones that pay well. It's a juggling act.

I'm doing a technical writing gig right now. The people are nice and the company seems decent. The project is fairly short, but challenging. It's a nice balance.

However, I am reminded of the reasons I gave up the corporate world. Debates over who has the time to do something and who has what information are pretty common in this environment. I understand it and am patient, but a long-term commitment to this kind of situation would not be in the best interest of my own sanity. It was great to dress up today, but tomorrow I have no idea what I will wear. And surely by the end of the week I will miss my jammies. One of the big perks to working from home is an extended wearing of jammies when the mood strikes.

I've also spent the last couple of years experimenting with genres. From resumes to blogs to short articles and back to technical material. I've covered a lot of different writing. With the articles and blogging I have found what I lacked in the technical world: a voice. I have a writing voice. Who knew?

So, while I won't turn down the technical contracts that punctuate my working life. And I certainly produce a darn nice manual! I find that I miss the opportunities to use this newly found voice. And as I contemplate what I want to be when I grow up, I think more and more about projects that will use that voice to its fullest.

Betwixt and Between

I have so many things on my mind. Yesterday's post and the responses from it have opened the floodgates. Also, there is work commentary in here too. However, the big thought I have been chewing on for a while has come together into a form I can start to poke at with words, so I am going to have a stab at it.

I feel like this stage in my life is a stage of being "between".

I neither work a regular job, nor am I a stay-at-home mom. Both are good options, but I have chosen to keep a foot in each world. It's a straddling act that causes much stress. And yet, I would not change this for the world. But I don't feel like there are many people to talk to. Most of my friends are in one world or the other. I am in between.

My children are no longer babies, but they are also not big kids. They are between, which makes our issues and our struggles ones that straddle both realms. We're not alone here, thankfully, but we are between.

My husband and I are firmly...on the fence about having another child. There are so many advantages to being done now. I have no desire to be pregnant and no desire to repeat PPD. Still, there are times I miss a sweet little baby to hold and think that maybe we should try this one more time. Yup, between again.

Lately, Ray and I have been discussing religion. We were both firmly in the Christian camp for a long time. It's our heritage. We baptized our boys Anglican. We've been part of a church community. And yet we are struggling with it. I used to think that saying you were agnostic meant you just could not decide for yourself. And yet, I find that it is more about being able to reason it out both ways. In the end, we find we have a foot in both camps and are thinking about these issues a lot. We are between worlds. Again, I don't fit with the Christians, but also do not fall with those who believe there is nothing either. In time, I will figure out where I belong (and I always expected that this journey would be one my boys would have to have for themselves eventually too), but for now I am between.

I know there are other betweens in my life, but these are the biggest ones. The ones that come back to me again and again. The ones Ray and I talk about and regularly pull at the threads of thought attached to them. It's a process, so being between isn't a bad thing...just part of my journey.

Writer's Block

I have some sleep under my belt, so you'd think that I wouldn't have a problem with this, but I do. And it is not just for my personal blog. Nope. It's all encompassing right now. I just cannot focus and write to save myself. I hate when this happens.

It took me 2 days to write about 450 words for a professional blog I do. I get paid for this, which you'd think would be motivating in and of itself. And they'll pay me to do several a week. At this rate, I might make enough for my car insurance by May.

Worse yet, my primary client wants me to write a bunch of "how to" type stuff. Basically, for thinks like Facebook and Twitter and that sort of thing. About 1000 words each. I looked at it and salivated. This is good stuff in my world. And yet...nada, zip, zilch.

Plus, on Monday I start a technical writing job (it's about 2 weeks long and looks like fun). So I have a few days to pry my brain from my nether regions, so I can do a good job.

You'd think that now that I am sleeping a bit more, my brain would be overflowing.

Not so much.

A Day Late...

You know the saying "a day late and a dollar short"? It's a bit more than a day and it is not exactly what I would have had last month, but I am getting some time off now.

Turns out that the work anticipated by my primary client is not needed right now. So I have a small fraction of the work I thought I had. Which means I am essentially on holidays! After the long hours and grueling pace I worked all through December and into the beginning of last week, I will take it!

Sick & Other Stories

I hate being sick. And yet, here we are...again. It's the flu, of course, and I am treated to aches and chills and feeling like I have been run over. Again.

On other fronts:

Liam had his speech evaluation yesterday. He is behind, as we thought. At this age he should have well over 50 words and should be able to start putting 2 word combinations together. Liam has less than 10 words, and most of those have appeared in the last 2 weeks. He's fine everywhere else, but has almost no expressive language. So he's the easiest to treat! The therapist showed me how to do basic therapy with him at hoe. And we are signed up for a course that will help us all go a little further. The course starts in November and is a combination of information for Ray and I to take into the home and a couple sessions with a speech therapist. He'll be re-evaluated in April to see if he needs group therapy or the next step.

I've had the quote back on my website and it is really, really reasonable! Hooray!!! So we ought to be able to get that going ASAP. Hooray for farming things out!

Xander is at a field trip with school this morning. There are several interactive farms in our area and the kids are going to see one of those. I can't wait to hear the reaction from that.

For Giggles

Work is boring. Make that BORING! I always wanted to be a writer, and I am one, but I didn't imagine it as something I squeezed in the cracks of my life. That makes it pretty hard to get anywhere significant with it. Plus, my sole client at this time sends me articles to write that would make a stick figure yawn. Then I get to write them over and over again. Don't get me wrong, I am glad for the work and sometimes there is a bit of a game in writing this stuff in 10 different ways each month, but...it's not exactly mentally stimulating.

I've been working on my website forever. Well, not forever, I guess, just 2.5 years! Something tells me that this is not a job I am going to finish. But in order to get work, I ought to have a website telling people about me. (Write 5 pages about yourself and your work...GO! Sounds thrilling, no?) I've decided to farm it out. If you know someone who does websites and is willing to take on the job, I am in a paying frame of mind.

Then, last night, inspiration hit me. I need to do some writing that is totally different and just for giggles. Something to amuse myself. I've been trying to do crafty things (like knitting and crocheting) to amuse myself and it is just not working (okay, I like knitting little things). I forgot that the thing that amuses me is words and writing. And the more you write....yadda, yadda, yadda! In this process, I poked around and decided that I am going to write a Harlequin.

I know, I know...you are giggling at me a little. I am giggling too. But I love the idea. I love the idea of books you can sink into and enjoy, but not have to analyze too much. (I love the ones you analyze even more, but what I am saying is that there is a place in the world for the ones you just read too. It's like having television in a book format.) So, what if I could do that with writing? Write a book that amuses me and inspires me to keep writing. The stuff I am writing now is decent stuff, but my inspiration hangs on the bottom branch of my life tree and is quickly sagging off it. So I am going to try.

The winds of change are a blowin'.

Having a Bad Day

One of the things I like about the school schedule for Xander is that he goes Mondays and Wednesdays and the odd Friday. So when the weekend is over, I get to have a day of shipping him off to school and sending Liam off to daycare, so I can work. Today is supposed to be that day for me. My brain and body both think so. Unfortunately, when a long weekend comes, like Thanksgiving, we all miss out on the usual Monday activities.

We are all a little out of sorts today. Liam is tired and cranky. Xander is at the end of his rope. And I am dangling by a thread. I want...no NEED to work. And yet all that is available to me is laundry, dishes, more laundry, still more laundry...and miserable kids.

I am having the kind of day where I sit and figure out how much daycare would cost and if I ought to just go back to work full time.

And to top it off, although we were out late last night visiting friends and Xander has swimming tonight, so he should have had a nap, he did NOT. I put the kids down for their naps, had my shower, and checked on them. Liam was out and Xander was chillin', but not out. 15 minutes later he was downstairs claiming he'd had a sleep. Yeah, right.

We've fought over food, sleep and toys today. Hopefully tomorrow will bring nicer things.

Day Three: Breaking Patterns and A Cold From Hell

As I am starting the third day of my withdrawal from Facebook and online message boards, I am finding that the pattern is being broken. I actually have little interest in going there. I am curious about what people are up to, of course, and miss it some, but the driving urge of the last couple of days is over. Before anyone starts clapping for me, I do wonder how much of this is related to the cold from HELL. I am medicated right now, but still I can hardly hear and am stuffed up to the point where my sinuses hurt. I would love to just crawl into bed and not get out until Sunday.

However, I have 4 more articles to write (I have less than 100 words left on the one I am on, so make that 3 articles). And I have to work at the chiropractor's office this afternoon. My whole being is screaming "you've got to be joking!" I can hardly breathe, but I need to think, write, and then interact with people.

I'm going off to my corner now, to snivel to myself and try to think of another hook to write the third last article.

P.S. Writing articles reminded me: Lisa, if you want me to send you a couple of articles to read, send me your email addy in a PM through MO. I'll get it and send some to you.

Balancing Working at Home and In Praise of Daycare Providers

Let me just take a moment to praise daycare providers. Yes, I know that there are daycare providers who are not wonderful. Someone is bound to post a reply telling me about their terrible experience. And I know that many, many mothers do a wonderful job as stay at home moms. Let me just say that I am not that mother. I need a break. I need time away. And I need to work...at least a bit.

I'm a bit in awe of both stay at home mothers and daycare providers. The mere idea of spending my days only with my wonderful wee people gives me the shakes. I love my kids, truly. But I reach a limit. And I have thankfully found that there is a balance for people like me too. (Believe me, there was some guilt in trying to figure out the balance.)

I've been working as a freelance editor and writer for a few years now. I decided when Xander was 18 months old that working full time wasn't the right choice for me (although, some of that had to do with the people I was working with and how terrible the work environment was at the time), so I struck out as a freelancer. This has been far from easy, but...it is made SO MUCH easier by our phenomenal daycare provider.

She adores our kids. In fact, our children think that they are so much a part of her family that my older son was talking about her children the other day as if they were his cousins. There is no greater compliment from a small child than that!

Our DCP (daycare provider) has helped us through separation anxiety, illnesses, allergies, potty training, birthdays, and even the arrival of our littlest one. When Liam arrived, Xander spent the evening with K and her family, who provided an atmosphere of excitement. Basically, they had a big party over there waiting for the new baby (and Gramma and Grandpa to arrive from out of town to take Xander for the weekend). Xander was a celebrity for an evening! And I credit K and her family with making the transition from only child to big brother a smooth one for Xander. In fact, other than Mommy and Daddy and the medical staff, K and her family were the first ones to meet Liam.

Xander stopped going to daycare on a regular basis last fall, when he started preschool. However, now Liam is going. We started with 2 half days a week and he is now going 2 full days a week, in preparation for big brother going to school. And he LOVES it! He gets to play with different kids and go to different parks and just socialize. It is a different experience and he is thrilled. The older kids see him and they descend upon him and he laps it up! The expression of joy on his face is priceless. And the way he sleeps soundly at night after a full day of running around is amazing!

So, knowing that my baby is having a good time and is well cared for allows me to come home to write and edit. Working my own business effectively. It also allows me to work during the day (rather than scrounging desperately for time at night) and have time during the days the kids are home to concentrate on them: so that I am a better mommy.

It's a balance for me. And I couldn't do it without my phenomenal daycare provider!

Irritated and Anxious

The title of today's post pretty much covers it: I am feeling irritated and anxious.

Anxious because I have three articles to write by the end of the day tomorrow and I am not getting it done. Over the weekend and beginning of the week, I had a good rhythm going. My rhythm is screwed now. Right down to trying to write this post. I've been interrupted 3 times for these 4 lines.

Which makes me cranky and irritated. Add a couple of kids who have been stuck inside for weeks, because it has Not.Stopped.Raining and you see my problem. They are insane. I've broken up the two of them rolling and wrestling with each other several times this morning, including on the couch!

Thank GOD for naps and day camp, is all I can say. Xander goes to camp at 1 and I am just about dancing a jig thinking about it.

Work...again

I have been pondering work lately. I need to work, or rather, I need the money. But I do also need to work. It's been bugging me.

I've been debating between applying for FT positions in my field and trying to get my business viable. I know that some of you will be thinking that it is a hard time to be looking for work. True, but there are still jobs in my field. I have experience. It would happen. And thankfully Canada is not as bad as the USA at this point for job losses, though I hold my breath on that one.

I've been working at my business for a little over 2 years now. I wonder sometimes if it is even a viable business. Am I cut out to work for myself? Can I druming up enough work? Then I remember that I have also had a baby in that time and a few small setbacks. So the business was not my main focus.

I mention all of this as background to my ponderings and frustrations.

Today I had tea and chat time with my friend Sherry. Sherry is one of those girls who will chat with you and tell it like it is. I like that about her. And when we talked, she said a few things that made my path clearer (thank you Sherry!!!). She said, "So you WANT to work." I didn't even realize that was a question on my plate. But yes, I do. And as I thought about what I really want and what frustrates me the most, it became clearer.

The worst part of working for myself is that I have a really hard time carving out time to work. As I said to Ray today, "I am frustrated because it seems like all the time is Ray's time to work, but there is never time for Laura to work." I've tried working for a few hours first thing in the morning, but the kids and Ray are upstairs making a racket and then there is some meltdown over something and I end up feeling like Ray is breathing down my neck, waiting for me to be done. He's NOT. I just feel that way. It's not conducive to writing or editing. I've tried doing it after the kids are in bed, but I am just wiped physically and mentally. I can do it, but it is beyond HARD. I'm past my expiration date (kind of like milk) by then.

If I work in the day, I have to have daycare. Believe me, I have tried doing it during naps and television. It just does not work. Trust me here. And daycare brings other issues of viability and finance.

Which is where I started thinking about a regular job. Regular job = kids in daycare and time that is carved out solely for me to work. Even if the work is for someone else.

But I don't want a regular job. I like THIS job and I am not ready to give up on it yet. So, at least I know that now. And now to find a balance. The greatest part is that I can stop looking at help wanted ads and feeling guilty that I am not getting my resume out to many of them.

Over the next few months, I am going to try working some hours on the weekend. It is not optimal, but it's doable. And I am just going to work away at the problems I am facing...one step at a time.

Underground

I've been a bit holed up this week. I've been a bit more absent than usual on the online groups I frequent. And not very motivated to write in general.

The week started off okay. I felt like I was getting a cold, but the weather was nice and I ran and then did spinning class back to back on Sunday and Monday. And enjoyed it a great deal. It's always a good sign when I exercise. Then Tuesday hit and I was dragged out. Wednesday I had a brilliant time out during the morning with another mom from the preschool. We're in the process of becoming friends and might end up being very good friends. Our kids seem to like each other too, which is a nice bonus. Plus, there is a solidarity, I am finding, amongst women who are moms to "just boys".

Wednesday night was hell on earth. Liam was up for 4 solid hours from midnight to 4 am; we still don't know why. Xander was up on and off for 3 from midnight to 3 am; he has his first ear infection. Thursday was not a pretty day. We went to the doctor and had us all looked at...well, me and the boys. I have a cold. Liam is just being miserable for unknown reasons. And Xander has this ear infection. My parents arrived from Manitoba. It's good to see them, but dealing with visitors and sick kids is no fun. Bless them, on Thursday night they kicked Ray and I out, so we got a breather.

Today wasn't bad. I had preschool duty this morning. 15 kids, 4 adults and Valentine's Day activities. Fun, but also moments of wildness. I was pretty much in the groove though and enjoyed it.

This afternoon I slept for almost 2 hours on the couch. With Xander up and watching TV. Then Liam was up and trying to pull my hair and walking around the couch repeatedly. Thankfully Ray was watching them. But you know you are zonked out when...

I also have a small pile of work I am doing. Some of it for pay and some not. I've managed to get the preschool application form all pretty and it is posted online! Hooray!!! I am working on a resume in the bits and pieces of time I have. It's a job I feel strongly about and is coming together nicely. If I could only put my life on pause for an hour or two, it would be done. You know how these things go. And I have part of an article written too. Ditto the pause thing. I am planning to get Ray to remove the boys from the house for a couple hours on Sunday and see if I can get some of this accomplished.

For now, it is almost 11 pm and I need to sleep. I'm going to err on the side of wisdom and go to bed at a semi-reasonable hour.

Oh yeah, and this update is brought to you by the letter S, which says, "sssssssssssss like snake", according to Xander. When I questioned him about other letters, he said, "Mom, I don't want to talk about it." What a guy! But he was examining and talking about what seemed like random letters and their sounds this afternoon. I later realized he was taking steps to sound out the letters on my laptop. It's progress!