Work...again

I have been pondering work lately. I need to work, or rather, I need the money. But I do also need to work. It's been bugging me.

I've been debating between applying for FT positions in my field and trying to get my business viable. I know that some of you will be thinking that it is a hard time to be looking for work. True, but there are still jobs in my field. I have experience. It would happen. And thankfully Canada is not as bad as the USA at this point for job losses, though I hold my breath on that one.

I've been working at my business for a little over 2 years now. I wonder sometimes if it is even a viable business. Am I cut out to work for myself? Can I druming up enough work? Then I remember that I have also had a baby in that time and a few small setbacks. So the business was not my main focus.

I mention all of this as background to my ponderings and frustrations.

Today I had tea and chat time with my friend Sherry. Sherry is one of those girls who will chat with you and tell it like it is. I like that about her. And when we talked, she said a few things that made my path clearer (thank you Sherry!!!). She said, "So you WANT to work." I didn't even realize that was a question on my plate. But yes, I do. And as I thought about what I really want and what frustrates me the most, it became clearer.

The worst part of working for myself is that I have a really hard time carving out time to work. As I said to Ray today, "I am frustrated because it seems like all the time is Ray's time to work, but there is never time for Laura to work." I've tried working for a few hours first thing in the morning, but the kids and Ray are upstairs making a racket and then there is some meltdown over something and I end up feeling like Ray is breathing down my neck, waiting for me to be done. He's NOT. I just feel that way. It's not conducive to writing or editing. I've tried doing it after the kids are in bed, but I am just wiped physically and mentally. I can do it, but it is beyond HARD. I'm past my expiration date (kind of like milk) by then.

If I work in the day, I have to have daycare. Believe me, I have tried doing it during naps and television. It just does not work. Trust me here. And daycare brings other issues of viability and finance.

Which is where I started thinking about a regular job. Regular job = kids in daycare and time that is carved out solely for me to work. Even if the work is for someone else.

But I don't want a regular job. I like THIS job and I am not ready to give up on it yet. So, at least I know that now. And now to find a balance. The greatest part is that I can stop looking at help wanted ads and feeling guilty that I am not getting my resume out to many of them.

Over the next few months, I am going to try working some hours on the weekend. It is not optimal, but it's doable. And I am just going to work away at the problems I am facing...one step at a time.