Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Fear Factor: the Big Three

I've been thinking about the things I am afraid of lately. I used to take fear as a challenge. Or ignore it entirely. I'm not sure where and when it changed, but it did. And it weighs heavily.

Here are a few things I can think of that are holding me back:

  • Swimming. I love to swim. I used to swim quite well. Used to. I would like to do some lap swimming to improve my fitness level. I love to run, but my one foot and leg and I are in disagreement about running these days. Swimming seems like a good option. Except I haven't swam laps in forever. And I am slow. Out of practice. And just afraid. Plus, the timing sucks (I either have to go early in the morning, late at night, or over lunch time, which is all inconvenient in some way that is stupid and a big excuse: I'm just afraid to look like an idiot out there).
  • Writing. I'm doing a course on writing magazine articles. It is a good course, but I find myself stalling doing the work or even reading. I know most of this stuff, so it should be easy, but boy is it giving me pause. I want to do this. I do. But I can fell the edges of fear.
  • Another baby. Honestly, I am not sure I want to go there at all. And Ray is with me. We laugh and compare it to shopping for our tv: either one of us could have been convinced to buy the 53" television, but neither of us was willing to convince the other. So we bought the 46" one. We're in the same place with a baby. If one of us really wanted to do it, the other could be convinced. Neither of us in in the place to convince the other though. When it comes down to it, I am just afraid of the sleepless, allergy problems, crazed first year again.
There's more, I know. But those are my big three.

What things are you afraid of? Do you hold back or tackle it head-on? How do you deal with it in general?
I just came back this evening to edit this. I did swim tonight and it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I was not painfully slow. I enjoyed doing it. And it was a great experience overall. My strokes could use some work, but not nearly as badly as I had feared.

Definitely worth looking that one in the face.


Lisa said...

You KNOW my vote on another baby and you also know that this baby may not have the same issues as her big brother!

Laura said...

You crack me up Lisa. I know your vote. My Dad would be happy to have a partner in crime with that one. ;)

And honestly, I don't care if it is a boy or a girl...if I could guarantee it slept, I would be much more interested. lol