I've been pondering things lately. Work and life in general. The state of my body...sometimes the state of my brain.
In short, I am feeling like it is finally time for me these days.
I feel like working. I am tired of earning very little money. I was ranting about this the other day to a few friends. I love my kids, but I am kind of over being 90% SAHM and struggling to chip away enough time for even 10% for me and work. It's not balanced and my brain is rotting away, bit by bit. I worked hard for that brain, so it is not unreasonable to think about how it is doing these days.
Funny enough, I just had a pile of work land on my lap between now and the beginning of September, which will put some of that urge off.
Then there is the whole desire to do things for myself. I have had the reoccurring thought that I too deserve this. My body deserves the time and energy for me to work out: running, walking, swimming. Things I rarely do, because it means balancing the kids and Ray and all the 900 things on my list of things that need doing. But the voice whispers at me loudly: "You do deserve this." And I am checking out gym options that include childcare. Options that mean I can put a little bit into myself.
Like everything else, I am a work in progress too. In the middle of diapers and nursing and teaching your toddler to swim or swing or potty train, sometimes we mothers forget that part. I remember to get new clothes for my kids, because they outgrow them at regular intervals. I remember to feed them and everyone around us. I remember to clean the house and do the laundry (okay, most of the time). But sometimes I forget about me.
That little voice is no longer allowing me to forget about me though.