Monday, March 18, 2013

Asking, Life, and Contemplations

I've had a lot of reactions and interactions lately that have brought me back to a place where I want to write. Both here and elsewhere. I thought I would start here.

Most of the time, I do use this space to write about parenting. Some of that is a success, because I've reached out and connected to other parents here. I've also been able to come back and read about small things my boys have said and done along the way. A few weeks ago I was searching for a specific post and ended up reading a bunch of my own posts; I'd forgotten that Xander used to call a futon a "crouton" and that when Liam didn't like what you said to him he would turn his head and shut his eyes. Funny stuff. They are still a bit like that, but also more their big boy selves. I will write more about them soon.

I also use this space to talk about me and about work. My work is such a changing creature that it is hard to define at times, so I know I don't always do a great job at that aspect. Also, in a world that defines success by the money a person makes, it can be difficult to discuss work when you don't make a ton of money. Or when you have big empty spaces of time where you are bumbling around or dealing with other aspects of life.

I've been having an ongoing conversation these days...well, the start of a conversation anyway...about boxes. Conceptual boxes that is: how we see ourselves and how others see us. How that affects who we are and what we do on a daily basis. This conversation is linked to another idea I have about being true to one's self; I know some people who are really truly themselves and others who are not at all. I find both ends interesting. If you find me verbally poking sticks at you over the next while, know that I am building these ideas in my head, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for engaging that conversation any way you can. I understand that some of you are able to do so freely (and have!) and that some will find this more difficult. I am driven my challenge, so if you find it difficult and need me to back off, please be kind about it, but let me know.

Today I watched a TED talk by Amanda Palmer where she talks about asking for input and connecting to the audience and to people in general. I found it incredibly powerful. I recognized what she was saying about connections and creating. About asking. About bravery to do things a little differently. These are ideas that have danced through my brain many times, though in different ways and with different results.

Slowly, I am threading these ideas together. I am not sure what will come of it, but it seems like out in the distance there is the shadow of being or creating.

The last comment I want to make is that I have also stopped posting because I love interaction. I love words and ideas and a big of give and take. It's the reason that social media sucks me in. The same reason I spent a fair bit of time on mommy boards when my kids were small. And the last while, there were so little comments on my posts that I wondered if they mattered at all. Or if I was talking to the wind. I've had a change of heart on that: I'm going to thread ideas together and talk about them here, whether there is an outward manifestation of the conversation or not. Comments here may not be the whole picture of what is going on. I know from real-life comments that there are people reading and I may be giving them things to think about or connecting to them in some way, regardless of whether they comment. Also, I have not been the most prolific at commenting on the blogs I have been following either, but some of them have spoken loudly to me and have even contributed to the thought process I am currently enjoying. (Thank you Heidi!) Some of the people and events that have contribute to this new line of thought can't be mentioned here, but know you are all valued and appreciated.

So, hello. And welcome back to the conversation.


Sonnenblume Madchen said...

I often find myself wondering the same thing when I post to my blog: is there anybody out there? It's rare that anybody leaves comments and maybe that has to do with the sensitivity of the topics that I write about. I know from the stats indicator that people are reading, but it gets frustrating that people don't comment. It really does make me wonder if I'm talking to myself and sometimes I'm not sure if I should continue. Then I remind myself that I'm not necessarily writing for other people, but for me.

Laura said...

Thanks so much. Your last sentence really is key. I am writing this most of all for me. And I know that I haven't been very good at commenting on your blog either.

Sonnenblume Madchen said...

I understand that people are busy and have their own lives. If it came down to people reading and not leaving comments or people not reading at all, I'll take the former.