Don't Ask...

We've had a good weekend, despite lots of work involved. There was much visiting with friends and drinking wine. Not so much that it overtook the rest of the weekend, but a really nice balance of it. That, coupled with another two chapters of editing (I feel a little bit like The Little Engine that Could as I keep poking away at this project) made for a full and busy weekend.

Speaking of work, I have been editing a book on labour relations (it's pretty interesting, actually). Through the end of January and into February, I did the content and copy editing portions. It's 1,000+ pages, so it's no small feat. Now I am working on proofreading it. The deadline is Thursday, so I ought to be there instead of here, but a little time for my own brain doesn't hurt either. I am excited to be done, because editing a book that is this long is a little like running a marathon (I've done a few half marathons, so I have a clue what I am talking about here). The funny part about being busy though is that it seems to create more busy-ness.

Does your brain work that way too? The more I do, the more I have in my head. The less I do, the fewer projects occur to me. It's a little like the law of inertia, but for my brain.

The big deal here is that I have another potential client talking to me about blogging, my current client would like more writing work, and I have an idea for a personal project that will involved a photo blog (and nope, it's not going to be a 365 photo blog...they are interesting, but not quite it). I am not ready to talk about the photo blog in specific details yet. At least not here. Some of you will know more about it, because I have been slowly talking about my idea and asking questions along the way.

The thing about doing a photo blog is that it is scary! It's a topic I don't normally approach. It's a medium I don't normally use (I'm the word girl, not the image girl!). And I have to ask people to do things for me. That last one is the kicker. I realized through this process that I am not good at asking for things I want. I am not sure what that says about me, but it is a deep truth I have unwittingly unearthed. The greatest part is that the people I have spoken to have been supportive and many have volunteered to help. The more I ask and the more I talk about this project, the more comfortable it becomes and the more people I have enlisted to help. I am beginning to believe that it will see the light of day...and I am excited.

That said, Thursday is a few short days away and I need to get back to proofreading this book. Only 290 pages left...

Looking Young

Yesterday I mentioned that I have been at the beginning of a conversation about conceptual boxes. Today, a perfect example of that fell into my lap.

As a little background...I have been working on editing a book for a client. It's about labour relations and I am the last man on the team, so I have some catching up to do. I've been working since sometime in January and have managed to do a content and copy edit on the manuscript (it's 1000+ pages, so this is no small feat). I am working on the proofreading now, but this is the pre-publication proofreading and there will be one more bash at that when the print copy happens.

Today I met with the project manager (I was hired by the author) and we discussed strategy.

The first thing that happened when I arrived was she looked at me and said, "My, you are young!"

(My husband is incensed and called her unprofessional. He does have a point.)

I laughed, because I didn't know how to take it. And this is not the first time someone has told me that. I told her that I was not as young as she probably thought. She wanted to know what I "do". (The answer to that is nothing. I barely moisturize. I got some great genes.)

However, it goes back to that idea I have been chewing on: conceptual boxes. Someone looks at me and assumes I am young. The underlying assumption about being young is that I am also inexperienced. She didn't ask me about my experiences, my education, or any other qualifications. She also assumed that because I am editing this project that I might not be able to write (she asked and I actually laughed out loud, because 80% of my work experience has involved writing). There were a lot of assumptions.

I wish that I could say I rarely bump into that, but the truth is that it is everywhere. I've had people assume I don't have an education, that I married young, and that I am a typical stay at home mom (whatever that means, because even the women I know who do that are far from typical). Part of me takes a perverse pleasure in them being wrong.

What would happen if we stopped assuming things by looking at people? What if we asked questions? What if we were more honest about ourselves and about what we do?

I suddenly have a vision of the first year or so of university, where the typical questions were "What is your major?" and "Where do you come from?" (I never could answer the second one, because I was a military child.)

Perhaps these boxes are useful in some way. A way of cutting through to people and things we are interested in? I find them annoying though. I like that life is complicated and messy. That there is so little about the human condition that is easily defined. I like poking around, asking questions, and learning. Maybe these assumptions allow people to dodge away from those activities? Maybe this is an armour against the work of really finding out about others?

Do I have assumptions? Absolutely! I suspect that the difference is that when I find mine, I don't hide behind them. I ask myself why, where they came from, how they serve me. The next time you stumble upon one of your own assumptions, see if you can recognize it, name it, and figure out how it came to be.

Asking, Life, and Contemplations

I've had a lot of reactions and interactions lately that have brought me back to a place where I want to write. Both here and elsewhere. I thought I would start here.

Most of the time, I do use this space to write about parenting. Some of that is a success, because I've reached out and connected to other parents here. I've also been able to come back and read about small things my boys have said and done along the way. A few weeks ago I was searching for a specific post and ended up reading a bunch of my own posts; I'd forgotten that Xander used to call a futon a "crouton" and that when Liam didn't like what you said to him he would turn his head and shut his eyes. Funny stuff. They are still a bit like that, but also more their big boy selves. I will write more about them soon.

I also use this space to talk about me and about work. My work is such a changing creature that it is hard to define at times, so I know I don't always do a great job at that aspect. Also, in a world that defines success by the money a person makes, it can be difficult to discuss work when you don't make a ton of money. Or when you have big empty spaces of time where you are bumbling around or dealing with other aspects of life.

I've been having an ongoing conversation these days...well, the start of a conversation anyway...about boxes. Conceptual boxes that is: how we see ourselves and how others see us. How that affects who we are and what we do on a daily basis. This conversation is linked to another idea I have about being true to one's self; I know some people who are really truly themselves and others who are not at all. I find both ends interesting. If you find me verbally poking sticks at you over the next while, know that I am building these ideas in my head, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for engaging that conversation any way you can. I understand that some of you are able to do so freely (and have!) and that some will find this more difficult. I am driven my challenge, so if you find it difficult and need me to back off, please be kind about it, but let me know.

Today I watched a TED talk by Amanda Palmer where she talks about asking for input and connecting to the audience and to people in general. I found it incredibly powerful. I recognized what she was saying about connections and creating. About asking. About bravery to do things a little differently. These are ideas that have danced through my brain many times, though in different ways and with different results.

Slowly, I am threading these ideas together. I am not sure what will come of it, but it seems like out in the distance there is the shadow of being or creating.

The last comment I want to make is that I have also stopped posting because I love interaction. I love words and ideas and a big of give and take. It's the reason that social media sucks me in. The same reason I spent a fair bit of time on mommy boards when my kids were small. And the last while, there were so little comments on my posts that I wondered if they mattered at all. Or if I was talking to the wind. I've had a change of heart on that: I'm going to thread ideas together and talk about them here, whether there is an outward manifestation of the conversation or not. Comments here may not be the whole picture of what is going on. I know from real-life comments that there are people reading and I may be giving them things to think about or connecting to them in some way, regardless of whether they comment. Also, I have not been the most prolific at commenting on the blogs I have been following either, but some of them have spoken loudly to me and have even contributed to the thought process I am currently enjoying. (Thank you Heidi!) Some of the people and events that have contribute to this new line of thought can't be mentioned here, but know you are all valued and appreciated.

So, hello. And welcome back to the conversation.